37. Sleep, Fabulous Sleep!


I think I secretly knew it, but amongst other things, alcohol was wrecking my sleep.

The Pattern:

  • Reaching for the bottle shortly before six o’clock, ok … five o’clock (in the evening, in case you had doubts), but looking rather longingly at it from four.
  • Sinking as much of the vin rouge as possible within 2 hours … may as well have just had it on a drip.
  • One hour of warm, happy, relaxed fuzziness, whilst trying to look sober and make meaningful conversation.
  • One further hour of room spinning and trying desperately to stay awake until nine o’clock and failing. Missing all tv programmes whilst taking up most of the sofa in an attractive snoring/dribbly sort of way.
  • Told to go to bed … Tired and groggy having been woken up, and also irritable.
  • Fitful sleeping, full of vivid often violent dreams, aware of sweating in a semiconscious state, desperately thirsty, waking between one and three in drenched sheets, awake for roughly three hours with chronic cystitis, heart racing, convinced I’m having a heart attack, back to sleep for a couple of hours before the alarm goes and wake feeling completely and utterly exhausted and filled with self-loathing.

It was the alcohol! … No Shit Sherlock …

Either that or the peri menopause, but it didn’t take a lot of research (ok, googling) to eliminate that one, for now.

So I ditched it, binned it, waved a teary fond farewell and now am alcohol free.

I also have something called interstitial cystitis which mean no fizzy drinks either, or caffeine for that matter, so a trip to the drinks aisle in Tesco’s leaves me feeling a little despondent, but and here’s the big but ….

I Now Sleep Like a Baby!

So I don’t care if I’m going to have to have a re-think on the soft drink options. I don’t care if I’m climbing the walls at four, five and six o’clock (ok, and lunchtimes as well), wanting that blissful first and never-enough glass of vin rouge. I don’t care that now I have to learn how to go to parties without clutching my comfort blanket of a drink, because the joy of a good nights sleep and a hangover-free morning is worth more.

The depression and anxiety levels have dropped from a seven to a three without blinking, and the interstitial cystitis (along with drinking 2 litres of orange squash a day – yawn, ditching the caffeine and fizzy drinks – double yawn) has completely disappeared.

That and the fact that my skin improved from day two …. red wine irritated it, so I’d be attractively blotchy combined of course with the typical facial puffiness the following day. I now manage to watch the ten o’clock news, chatter, natter and remember everything that I’ve said, go to bed and sleep washes over me so deeply that I know nothing, just blissful nothing until dawn. I am irritatingly bouncy in the mornings now, non-blotchy and really quite nice to be around so I’m told.

Sometimes we just have to reach the depths of despair before our rational, logical and adult self takes over, takes control of a situation that simply cannot continue and gets us on the road to recovery. Otherwise known as, The Way Forward.



17 thoughts on “37. Sleep, Fabulous Sleep!”

  1. I’m very happy for you that you have found the courage and willpower to move past the temptations to a much better place ==> forward . Love for oneself. Growth. Keep on keeping on. You are rocking it!

    Liked by 4 people

      1. Thank you … I simply have to find the humour and or the irony in this wretched disease called depression. But my goodness, ditching the booze has made an enormous impact. I’d been told to stop before, but even if I was listening, I wasn’t acting on the advice. Thanks for the comments, it’s lovely to know that I’m not alone out there.

        Liked by 3 people

  2. Seems like alcoholism was, is and will always be the main disease. Of course I don’t know your life. But white-knuckling recovery alone seems fairly likely to fail when you’re triggers shown up. Please find a sponsor and or group to help keep you the alcohol-free path. But if I’m wrong and you’re over that part of your life, that’s terrific, so congratulations either way! And best of luck managing your other symptoms or issues..I certainly can relate having just had a fair amount I’m dark chocolate fairly late after only four and a half hours of sleep last night and a nap today. So trying again tonight to have a decent bedtime and a good early wake up time. Anyway, thank you so much for following my boss it’s not just about bicycling hopefully will inspire you to take daily walks, do Daily Yoga, go on bike rides, improve your diet, and so much more. Best wishes.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Take it slow and easy. Be the tortoise, not the hare. Support and education plus self care are all key. Walking, breathing, drinking water and all the rest. I’m rooting for you on your journey! What does your blog title mean? Who’s Betty?

        Liked by 2 people

      2. That’s good advice … thanks very much 🌼. I don’t know if this will make sense, but Betty is the Demon in my mind … She is the cackling witch who wants me to give into her. She is my depression and anxiety. She is the one I fight every day to get well, and slowly, slowly she is withering and dying. ☀️🌼🌼

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Really great post here! People kept telling me that alcohol would affect me negatively, and I really didn’t want to listen, but now I’m cutting down it is just objectively helping! I’ve begun very simply, just by trying to cut out 10 drinks a week. Then I regard it as a treat when I’m going on a night out and enjoy it more! Sleep also super important for me, and even just trying to keep a rough sleep schedule through the week helps a lot. Anyone who has any positive stories about mental health please drop me an email and I’d love to make a post about it (sharing your page obviously!). All very welcome, big love X

    Liked by 4 people

    1. That is so great to hear. You and me both …. Everyone could have told me till they were blue in the face, however it was only when I actually did it, and cut down and then completely stopped that I realised what a negative impact it had been having on me. Good for you! So glad to hear this 😀😀😀

      Liked by 3 people

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