Morrisons …. probably on a par with Aldi, but sells the same as Waitrose at a fraction of the price with even a smattering of the more upmarket scallops and quinoa if you happen to a) like them and b) know how to pronounce them …. Personally, I don’t, to either.
Shopping Trip and lesson no. 1: Sometimes, being a southerner whilst living temporarily in Scotland, it’s better to keep quiet.
Some friendly chatter at the till whilst waiting in the queue, led to my over-excited confession that I had recently got married….
“Och!” says Till Lady 1 in more of a guttural phlegm-inducing noise, than actual word, “Do you hear that Sheila?” she shouts to Till Lady Number 2 across a couple of aisles. Clearly Sheila has hearing issues as my new marital status is now belted out a couple of times, involving not just 2 till ladies, but customers too. Lots of smiles, nods and general looks of approval in my direction. I beam delightedly.
“So, where was the wedding?” shouts Sheila of the dodgy ears. All eyes on me … I shuffle uncomfortably …. “Um, well, down south in fact”. Bit of a mistake. I hear sucking of breath through teeth, and a general sense of disapprovement on a somewhat large scale.
“Och!” the guttural sound again with added sniff to enhance the disapproval. I thought it was only my mother who did that. “Shame” says till lady no. 1. “Of course,” she pauses, “you could have had my brother … Now, he’s a fine figure of a man!” she says proudly her bosom jutting out.
“Err …” says I
“Your brother!” exclaims Sheila, “He’s focking fat!”
All eyes on till lady no. 1 who is turning somewhat frosty and a tad purple …
“He might be focking fat, but he’s happy and that counts for plenty” she retorts.
All eyes now on Sheila – this is something akin to a Wimbledon final, myself and customers turning from one to the other, but hey, the attention is off me so I’m delighted.
“He’s happy?” squawks Sheila, “He’s a focking drunk, that why!”
Oh dear God. Till lady no. 1 pauses, clearly digesting this information. There is a moment where we, the customers are waiting with baited breath for her reaction. She slowly begins to nod, “Aye, you know you might be right, BUT,” she says wiggling her finger indicating for me to move closer. I do so extremely hesitantly; she has an unusual dental arrangement and frankly scares me. She continues, “He might be a wee bit of a drunk, BUT” she belts out with a scream of laughter, “…. he’s got focking good sheep!”
An explosion of cackles, laughter, nodding and ‘ayes’ from all around …
I grab my Lurpac and organic ham and escape – sharpish.
Perhaps this is how men should be rated … On their ability to keep good sheep or did I miss something??! Think I might try Waitrose next week …
Katie x
Great way to start my day – that cracked me up!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ha! I felt a tad bewildered after that, but very funny!
LikeLike
As long as he’s not focking those good sheep!
LikeLiked by 3 people
Ha! 😀😀
LikeLike
I grew up in rural Cumbria. Sheep husbandry is a vital skill there. With emphasis on the ‘husband’. Oh, and I think lurpac might be involved there too.
I think I’d better stay away from solvents in the lab for the rest of the week.
LikeLiked by 3 people
Ha! I love it up here … everyone just says it ‘how it is’! I don’t think I’ve ever met such brilliant people 😀😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
We love the Scots too and love our visits north of the border.
LikeLiked by 1 person
They’re just the best! I can honestly say that I’ve never met more generous people.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I was going to bring up the thing with the sheep, too. 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
I thought it was just the Welsh who had a thing about sheep …. now it turns out it’s the Scots too! 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
Told my husband about your story and now he keeps sending me sheep/rural man memes…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ha!! Love it!
LikeLike
Scottish humour!!! Bit like Yorkshire….great care to be taken. At least it was in English. In North Wales it’s strictly Welsh and often at our Southern expense! It’s cow’s where we are. Vache humour.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Vache humour! I love that! Yes, they’re a great bunch up here. I’ve never felt so welcome. I wouldn’t want to get on the wrong side of them however!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Focking hilarious …. 😀
LikeLiked by 2 people
Hi! Thanks a lot for joining Thoughts of SheryL!
I look forward to getting to know you more through your posts! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
You might have a point there. If it wasn’t for the English us Celts would have nothing to moan about. I work in an office with two Welsh guys and they discuss sheep on a disturbingly regular basis 😏
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ha! What is it about sheep?! 🤔
LikeLiked by 1 person
Lol Katie! This cracked me up! OMG I’m still chuckling and smiling now!
LikeLike