Do cravings, wantings, needings, “just give me a fucking glass of wine-ings” ever truly pass?
As I sit in the airport lounge with a cup of chamomile tea (no judging just yet, hear me out), I can’t help but wonder if that feeling of always wanting more will ever actually fade and completely disappear into the misty memories of time.
What I’d really like is a huge, strong coffee with milk, sugar and a cigarette on the side or better still, a socking great glass of the old vino plus the same side order.
But now of course I’m a grownup, a reformed character, and I am putting my health before my cravings. (Please note the slight smugness …. not an attractive character trait I’m fully aware)
Sadly the heavily caffeinated drinks are out (interstitial cystitis – don’t ask)
Too much sugar is out (negative effect on mood)
Cigarettes are out (not wanting a divorce, after all, I am on my belated honeymoon, plus vanity wins and I can’t bear the thought of actually looking like a smoker)
And my trusty friend-turned-enemy the vino and I have also had to have a teary parting of ways (err just becoming a teensy bit of a problem, plus again the interstitial cystitis).
So all in all, I do slightly feel as though I have joined a different group of society, aka, the grownups. A little late at 48 but why not use this opportunity to dig out that old cliche and say ‘better late than never’. There’s a secret part of me wanting to embrace the whole healthy living thing with total gusto and give Gwyneth Paltrow a run for her money, but she does it soooo much better than me, plus there’s the devil in me that’s also wanting to rebel. So perhaps there’s a bit of balance in my soul somewhere after all.
If only I’d just never, ever started some of these little habits that slowly and craftily have turned into big habits. If only ….
If only I had been a grownup sooner, perhaps arriving on this Earth a fully fledged adult … with all the wisdom I have now. Youth is most definitely wasted on the young that’s for sure …. oh with this wisdom, how much easier adolescence and those ghastly teenage years would have been. But perhaps it was the experiences that gave me the wisdom and I’m just not the sort of person who takes someone’s word for something, I have to jump off the springboard into the freezing water to test it for myself, and no, toe-dipping and moderation was never my ‘thing’.
The soulful calling to prayer is echoing through the high ceilinged terminal and is remarkably soothing, in fact I’d go as far as to say that I’m feeling decidedly relaxed and calm. Or perhaps it’s the chamomile tea, which is still tasting a little like sucking on a piece of straw. I think however I should find out if it actually is decaffeinated and perhaps some honey might improve it …. somethings got to.