Once An Addict, Always An Addict?

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Do cravings, wantings, needings, “just give me a fucking glass of wine-ings” ever truly pass?

As I sit in the airport lounge with a cup of chamomile tea (no judging just yet, hear me out), I can’t help but wonder if that feeling of always wanting more will ever actually fade and completely disappear into the misty memories of time.

What I’d really like is a huge, strong coffee with milk, sugar and a cigarette on the side or better still, a socking great glass of the old vino plus the same side order.

But now of course I’m a grownup, a reformed character, and I am putting my health before my cravings. (Please note the slight smugness …. not an attractive character trait I’m fully aware)

Sadly the heavily caffeinated drinks are out (interstitial cystitis – don’t ask)

Too much sugar is out (negative effect on mood)

Cigarettes are out (not wanting a divorce, after all, I am on my belated honeymoon, plus vanity wins and I can’t bear the thought of actually looking like a smoker)

And my trusty friend-turned-enemy the vino and I have also had to have a teary parting of ways (err just becoming a teensy bit of a problem, plus again the interstitial cystitis).

So all in all, I do slightly feel as though I have joined a different group of society, aka, the grownups. A little late at 48 but why not use this opportunity to dig out that old cliche and say ‘better late than never’. There’s a secret part of me wanting to embrace the whole healthy living thing with total gusto and give Gwyneth Paltrow a run for her money, but she does it soooo much better than me, plus there’s the devil in me that’s also wanting to rebel. So perhaps there’s a bit of balance in my soul somewhere after all.

If only I’d just never, ever started some of these little habits that slowly and craftily have turned into big habits. If only ….

If only I had been a grownup sooner, perhaps arriving on this Earth a fully fledged adult … with all the wisdom I have now. Youth is most definitely wasted on the young that’s for sure …. oh with this wisdom, how much easier adolescence and those ghastly teenage years would have been. But perhaps it was the experiences that gave me the wisdom and I’m just not the sort of person who takes someone’s word for something, I have to jump off the springboard into the freezing water to test it for myself, and no, toe-dipping and moderation was never my ‘thing’.

The soulful calling to prayer is echoing through the high ceilinged terminal and is remarkably soothing, in fact I’d go as far as to say that I’m feeling decidedly relaxed and calm. Or perhaps it’s the chamomile tea, which is still tasting a little like sucking on a piece of straw. I think however I should find out if it actually is decaffeinated and perhaps some honey might improve it …. somethings got to.

Katie xx

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22 thoughts on “Once An Addict, Always An Addict?”

  1. Man, I ask myself those questions every. Single. Day. I had to give up wine, also (bleeding ulcers due to Superior Mesenteric Artery Syndrome – don’t ask) and the smoking thing is an ongoing bit of nastiness of love/hate for years. It’s harder than cocaine for pete’s sake! So I say kudos to you, lady! You got this. Drink your tea with pride.
    Also, I’m drinking lavender chamomile tea as I type….wishing it was wine.

    Liked by 4 people

      1. Oh the lavender tea is excellent. I actually put lavender essential oil (very small dab) on my chamomile, or any herbal, tea bag. Delish! Just make sure the essential oils is pure enough for ingestion. Cheers to you! I enjoy your blog.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I am beginning not to be able to function without a mid-morning self of coke (which is absolutely appalling, but i hate the taste of coffee). Growing up sounds tough…no wonder you put it off for as long as possible! Have a smashing honeymoon 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Ugh, chamomile tea is the pits, isn’t it? I like to think I have moderate addictions, if that is possible? A latte each morning and a little bit of dark chocolate each evening. And far too much tea inbetween.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Hi, Katie.

    Hope you enjoyed, or are still enjoying, your belated honeymoon.

    On the subject of the wisdom you’ve gained, I think you’re on to something when you say that perhaps it’s the experiences you’ve had. Keep experiencing.

    Love and light, Bob

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Good read! I gave up coffee a week ago and have just come out of the other side of horrible tiredness and headaches. I’m also going to CBT at the moment and suddenly questioning my relationship with drugs and alcohol. Over the last few months I’ve found it really hard to moderate. Well done you – seems like you’re doing the right thing!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Many thanks … And as for the coffee, yes that’s what happened to me too – a week of headaches. Well done with the CBT it’s brilliant at making one really think and understand why we do stuff and from that information we can then start to take control. It’s really weird. And you know what, I think that some of us are just all of nothing kind of people rather than moderators. It makes us brilliant however at anything that we decide we enjoy … we get passionate about it. We’re very special! Good luck with the drugs and alcohol, do keep me posted. Katie x

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