The Final Countdown …

man in red crew neck sweatshirt photography
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Only a few more days now until I cycle off into the sunset with husband dearest and two adoring sons waving their handkerchiefs with damp eyes, gazing desolately at my lonely departing figure …

Or perhaps not?

“Pub?” I hear them ask each other, grinning widely.

“Let’s go!” and they march off smartish towards the nearest ale-house without a single look back at yours truly.

I somehow suspect that the latter scenario is infinitely more probable than the former.

Bastards! Ahh but they can now ditch the salad, eat chips, finish all the expensive ice creams and with no one to keep them on the straight and narrow, when I return, will I find an empty larder and only a small green morsel of mouldy cheese staring back at me from the fridge? Will I find that they have all developed rickets and scurvy? .. And will there be three inches of dust on every half-empty pizza box and penicillin-growing mug-covered table? Will I find dirty laundry spilling over onto the floor and not in their colour-coordinated baskets? Quelle horreur! Interesting how I am more concerned about the laundry than the scurvy, but I digress… How will they cope without me?!

Sadly, I flatter myself. My husband as most of you know is a military man. He requires order, precision and tidiness. I believe that his ideal picture of a perfect home is the one in “The Sound of Music” where Captain von Trapp blows a whistle daily and the children rush into line for inspection. I have mentioned this to him in jest, but instead of poo-pooing my theory, quite worryingly he nods and agrees, muttering to himself as he disappears into the quiet of the study. He does however then put his head around the door to remind me that he is of higher rank than a captain. Quite …

So no, rather irritatingly, I suspect that the house will be sparkling, the larder will have been reorganised, my herb and spices cupboard (a very irksome place for him, that he is usually barred from) will have been cleaned and all those tiny pots and jars which are usually out of date will have been mostly disposed of and the remaining ones placed, yes placed not shoved, with their caps on properly in perfect alignment and in alphabetical order. There will be none of my little hair bands, lipsalves or hand creams left on any surfaces (or in the car, dammit) and my bedside table, usually covered with books, clocks, photographs, more hand creams, eye creams, frankly any creams to help keep old age at bay, will have had a major overhaul, aka it will have been tidied within an inch of its unfortunate and usually cluttered life.

Do I mind this? Of course not! He will feel extremely satisfied as he explains to me the benefits of keeping order and how tarragon should be to the left of thyme, and how folding my clothes at the end of the day and placing them on the chair is infinitely preferable to ripping them off, randomly throwing them ‘nilly-willy’ in the vague direction of the chair and bouncing into bed chattering to him happily and trying to convince him that some rose-scented cream would benefit the lines on his forehead. He will mutter something about them being stress-related from living with me, but within a few minutes I shall be fast asleep, curled up close to him and he will have some long-awaited peace and quiet. No wonder he enjoys going to work so much, and quite probably why he is maybe just a teensy bit looking forward to my imminent departure. Can’t understand it myself.

Katie xx

How do you cope when your husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend goes away?

Do you throw yourself into a cleaning frenzy, party for 48 hours non-stop or go into a complete decline?

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44 thoughts on “The Final Countdown …”

  1. Fun post. I love it when my hubby goes away. Admittedly it’s only usually a week at a time but I love having the whole bed and staying up reading reeeaally late with the light on. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Party!

    Well actually I do stay up much later, drink more, watch movies with a certificate of 15 or higher – often involving explosions, play loud music.

    Foodwise I actually eat less and probably more healthily though as I am more diet conscious than Susan.

    It very rarely happens though. I am far more likely to go away than she is – so I do all the above in hotels instead 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. It’s not me that changes routine when my husband travels … it’s the dog. When we are all together she sleeps contentedly in her basket, doesn’t expect to sit on my lap nor snuggle next to me on the sofa but the moment he is absent as he was on Tuesday night she expects all of the above and the front seat in the car. We both believe he is none the wiser but in my heart I know full well that he knows the truth and is such a soppy fool that he indulges our deception and lets us think we have the upper hand. That she is always beside herself with delight when he comes home and accepts his more rigid rules is testimony to the simple way that dogs just accept our foibles and still lavish devotion. This is why I love dogs. Which might define me as rather ego-centric on re-reading!!! Xx

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Oh, my. You just detailed the personality of my own husband, though without the order of a military man. Sounds strange, I’m sure, but it’s true. So, unfortunately, I would return to the very state you describe of moulding laundry and blueing cheese.
    …Looking round just now, I see I’ve created this environment for him currently because of the summer break from school for the kiddos.
    Sounds about time for that cleaning frenzy. 😉

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Ha! Husbands do make me laugh! I just love the wonderful and quirky relationships that we have with them. This morning in the supermarket he was leaning over the trolley as it moved along saying ,”Wheeeee!” like a small child. I told him to stop looking as though he was excited about my imminent departure.. he stopped immediately and tried to look downcast and we both just burst into laughter. Your husband sounds very similar then (apart perhaps from the childish bit!) xx

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’d fancy my chances over distance but I fear Chelsea might have the edge in a sprint setting. I have a horrendous honeycomb ice cream photo that I’m tempted to post later as Chelsea reckons I’m now a famous blogger so I need to lose a few thousand followers pronto 🤗

        Liked by 2 people

  5. Oh I love it when ‘I’m indoors is away! No ENDLESS Big Bang Theory on TV, no getting interrupted constantly when I’m reading a book, no having to listen to a seven hour monologue on the dynamics of a piston or sprocket or any other Very Boring part of his restoring an old motorbike. It’s bliss!!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I used to love my own company but as I’ve gotten older it leaves me restless and anxious. I imagine The Colonel sporting a top hat and monocle as he relaxes at home. I interviewed a retired Major last year and he presented himself after breakfast in khaki shorts, matching knee length socks and cravat. A gentleman should never be seen without his cravat. P.S. Awesome writing as ever, critique partner 🧐

    Liked by 1 person

      1. No prob. By the way is it honeycomb ice cream you like?? Chelsea Owens and I are chatting about the two of you and shopping trolleys ….😂. See comments on this post!

        Like

  7. Such a fun account! I have been travelling Europe with the Mathematician now for almost three months and we’ve coped very well together. We head home soon and will probably enjoy getting back into some sort of routine. All the best for your imminent departure!!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I pop my feet up and relax knowing I have no one to run around after or pick after, knowing I will be so much more appreciated on his return 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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