Attacking Life, or Running Away

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Tell me … you have the answers … how do we get past a negative event or series of events?

Do we rely on time to be the healer? Isn’t that what our elders taught us? Or do we need to be thoroughly modern and undertake endless therapy? Or perhaps, is it just a combination of the two?

Either way, we still fail to quieten our over-zealous minds which are ravaged by the repetitive fear that history will repeat itself; and to add insult to injury, we see, hear or smell something daily that re-awakens the memories yet again.

So do we rise to meet the challenge of winning against our own mindset of negativity and fear and take a calculated risk that yes, we may be hurt again, or do we simply run away to protect ourselves?

Do we make ourselves strong again and further develop our life skills in order that should anything happen again we are better able to cope? Or do we hide in fear, creating our own little frightened coping mechanisms; after all, if we don’t take on life and attack it with fiery gusto, then surely it can’t bite back at us and hurt us?

Sometimes I think I have the answers and I am full of strength, optimism and a zest for life, and yet sometimes, just sometimes I want to be rid of the memories, the pain and the fear that my heart and soul will be broken again.

Katie xx

Well? Truthfully, what do you do, and does it change every day depending upon your frame of mind?

22 thoughts on “Attacking Life, or Running Away”

  1. This is actually a few different issues: pain, grieving, fear, and sadness. They feed on each other but they are not just one issue. Where one simple thing might occur and we shout ‘plot twist’ and carry on in the warped comedy of life, too much leaves us spent and feeling broken. How you deal with it is, more or less, the story that defines your character in your own tale. Do you turn to evil? Do you sink? Do you find ways to survive the very worst of times, holding on by your finger tips? Do you find little things, that actually help, and share them with others, to make sense and rescue value from what is such senseless tragedy?

    I will share one small thing that helps me. Much as self harmers are told to make a ‘happy box’ of things they find comforting when they feel the need to self harm, you can make a ‘happy things’ album on your phone. Take a picture or screenshot things that you value in your life. A picture of a great day with a lovely friend. Your sleeping cat. Your favourite shoes. A really lovely message from a cute guy. Keep them all together in a photo album on your phone and each day you feel able to, seek to add something to it to keep and look at. Nothing tinged with sadness is allowed in- no friends you lost touch with and miss. No mixed memories. Only pure happiness.

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    1. Oh my goodness, that is wonderful. What a truly lovely idea. Yes, I shall do that, not tomorrow, but today. You’re right, I’ve shouted ‘plot twist’ a few too many times, but perhaps I just had overly high expectations of life and a lacking of ability to cope when things didn’t go according to plan. You’re a wise one and I genuinely thank you for taking the trouble to write. It does help, in fact more than you might imagine, and I’m now going to create my happy things album. Thank you. Katie x

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  2. A really nice idea that, from Unicornhuntingblog. I certainly find being reminded of good things helps and in my case it tends to be travel photos especially. But in general, it does depend what the negative event is. While one method might work for one thing, another might need a different approach. No one answer, really. Anything from happy photos through to indulging in a big pie, perhaps. (That’s just me!)

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    1. Yes I’m with you there … although treacle sponge is pretty good too! I think you’re both right and finding a little happy place, be it a physical place or a book with photos in is the right way forward. Thanks so much for reading and giving your view … I love all these ideas and what works for each person. Katie

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  3. Despite being an alcoholic, even when I drank I had a pretty healthy approach to going through shit – I didn’t drink! 🙂 Isn’t that funny? I suppose it was down to this ridiculous idea I had in my head: “alcohol enhances everything we feel”. And so, because I’ve always felt everything strongly, when I ever felt sad or down I was terrified of it being magnified so those were the times during my drinking that I was actually always sober! I have to giggle about that now, it strikes me as quite funny. Thank goodness, though! Alcohol, of course, doesn’t enhance a single fkn thing – it’s a depressant, for God’s sake – but there we are.

    What I’m getting at though, is that I personally believe the best thing to get through and over the crappy times is to face them head on and not numb or bury a thing. Not always possible, I know. I don’t know if I have any tricks or clever ways of keeping my nose above the water though. I like unicornhuntingblog’s idea though as a healthy way of self soothing.

    Anna xx

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    1. Yes, me too, I love the idea of a book or photos. As for you … that’s hilarious about the not drinking! But so true; although a big glass of the vino collapso can give immediate respite in a calming, fuzzy sort of way, the repercussions are just not worth it. You’re right, it is a depressant and one of the most addictive things out there, and as for attacking things head on … yup! I’m with you. Katie xxx

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    1. Ha! I went through a phase of running a few years ago but typically got a bit obsessive about it and simply couldn’t keep enough weight ON! It simply dropped off me. I also found it incredibly dull hence took to cycling. It’s so unfair that psych meds can add weight … life is cruel. 😣

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  4. In my opinion, therapy is good for one thing: chewing endlessly on one’s problems with no real end in sight. I had serious down(s) in my life, oh boy. Well, wasn’t easy. Music creation helped, sporting helped (just examples), new studies and job helped, and with the last really dark period in 2011-12, a new relationship did help. That helped the most and actually permanently. Lasting since. But, every problem is different, sometimes nothing can help as great as some mushrooms and a rave party. Yayy!

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    1. Ha!! Yes, I do think that a change can really help. And yes, the bliss when we finally find someone who brings out the best in us and is our soulmate for want of a better word, now that is truly an absolute Godsend.

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  5. I believe a combination of the two can help. I’m not convinced that time heals though, things just seem to get easier. I believe rising to the challenge is the best way to move on, but sometimes we just need rest and protection – so that we can get back to work on becoming strong again.

    We all have times when the memories and fears get on top of us, but then we look back on all we have accomplished so far, especially you Katie, look what YOU have done this year, and as Unicorn Hunting suggested put those memories in a special place.

    What do I do? It totally does depend on my frame of mind lol, but I’m building resilience and it does get easier even if the fear doesn’t really go away. My best strategy to date is reaching out. Sometimes to lovely bloggers like yourself just this very week, and it made a world of difference.

    This is a great post – thank you for your questions, for sharing your journey and for being a friend.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Awww you are super sweet. And yes, I think you’re right, a little time to build ourselves up again until we’re strong enough to then hit things head on. WordPress as you say is fantastic. I just love all my friends on here, and you too it goes without saying. It’s a very kind and gentle place, so different to other forms of social media thank goodness. You stay well my friend. Xx

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  6. Hey Katie! That’s a fecking great question!! I’m going to have to pause my Led Zeppelin tunes so I can wrap my head around this one. For me yes time has helped and much much much internal review. Therapy has had some benefit at the get-go when all hell breaks loose, but after surviving that initial shock I basically took over and started reviewing the mess. The biggest piece for me is to really look at the situation and entertain the thought that yes I may have helped cause it. That’s not easy for everyone, but I can tell you that’s where you really make process. We tend to think we couldn’t possibly be at fault, but as they say, it’s a dance. I’ve read a ton of self-help and as I do the same themes came across, such as things happen for a reason. And with that, it happened. You can’t think it away as much as you’d like to. It’s a part of you now. None of us understand this crazy world we’ve been awakened to regardless of how smart we think we are or whatever environment has been “preached” into our life. That in itself it just a mind fuck. I got to get back on topic here…The event will never go away, but we can sit around bitching, sulking, feel sorry for ourselves, get sympathy from others, OR we can experience the NOW and learn from it and grow. The now is not looking back with regrets or looking forward with worry and despair. The NOW is being the witness and not listening to all the shit coming from your mind. Very hard to do, but it can be done in small chunks. I’ve heard it described as becoming friendly with the present moment. This is something I’ve never done in the past and have started and it seems to work for me. I know for myself there are days I’m completely motivated like today and feel like I’ve moved passed “it”, and other days I fail completely and hide from the fear and the pain. Such is life. We’re not fucking robots.
    I have this dream every once in a bit, where I’m back cringing, crying, and begging my ex not to end our marriage. It’s a horrible dream. Been divorced over 3 years now. But you know what?? I wake up! I wake up and am actually glad I’m no longer married to her. Really – true statement. This is my journey and I’m owning it and it’s helping me GROW.
    The hardest part of the pain is the initial shock. We all have our own method of getting through that and no particular way is more right or more wrong. After a point, we ask the questions and if we’re quiet and honest a new path starts to come into view. Thanks for this great question and allowing me to blabber. I’m going to crank up my Zepplin now and then later head out on a small run. Take care.

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    1. Oh my goodness Dwight … you have been so wonderfully open and honest and I just love you for that! Thank you. You’re speaking some pretty wise old words there and I had no idea about your divorce, but I am SO, SO pleased for you that you’ve moved away from it. I do think that the self help books have a place. For one, it’s a perfect opportunity to stop one from naval-gazing and feeling sorry for oneself because it simply keeps the brain away from the pain for a moment, but also, with enough repetition of positivity, it can work wonders. Also, it does make one really think logically about what happened, and yes, sometimes I think that we can all accept some responsibility. I think that now you’ve mentioned it, I can do that, so I thank you with a smacker of a kiss for being so kind to take the trouble of writing and making things clearer for me. Katie X

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  7. I sometimes face things ahead. It’s not “brave”, I think, when every pore in my body is screaming at me to be avoidant and I feel the adrenaline rush of being a deer in the headlights. I want to die in those instances because of all the signals my body gives me that I am in “danger” even though I am not. Then there’s the habitual habit of “NOPE I’m outta here” on days where I feel I just can’t handle something even though I’ve faced it before. 😐

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    1. That sounds like the ‘fight or flight’ scenarios that we read about …. this is really interesting. I think that sometimes when we’re inundated with adrenaline rushing through our bodies, we can react in many different ways. For me, I used to confuse excitement and anticipation with fear and anxiety. I’ve had to almost re-train my mind to identify the difference. So when I’ve been in a horrible situation I have to say out loud, “This is an exciting experience and I will feel so brave and good about myself when I have handled it well … now breathe and let’s get it over with!” It’s simple, but I am simple and my little brain then works well. Now, don’t get me wrong, you’re far more clever than I, but it does seem to do the trick. I hope that things are looking up for you? Family all good.?? Katie x

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