FREEDOM!

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Sitting yesterday outside my coffee shop, I heard a man coming towards me. In actual fact until he came into sight, his gender was questionable due to the extremely high notes that he was singing. Indeed, the word ‘singing’ should be used rather loosely as well …

He was tall, wearing dark sports clothes and carrying a backpack with a couple of racquet handles poking out of the top. Finally, atop his head and covering his ears he wore an oversized pair of headphones. Headphones that clearly were muffling the sounds of the outside world whilst immersing him into his own wonderful bubble of music. And how he sang!

Great, sudden high-pitched screeches with wild arm movements sent fellow pedestrians ducking and fleeing in fright. Long and musically debatable notes were (loosely) held until he began to run out of breath; whereupon he appeared to grapple with deciding whether to continue on the warbling note, or to allow some much required air into his oxygen-depleted body.

His walking pace slowed, his arms raised high as he momentarily paused creating a brief silence as his audience of coffee drinkers and pedestrians alike also held their breaths in anticipation … He then took a deep and long inward gasping of breath and then burst forth with renewed vigour, passion and more animalistic wailing noises and his walking pace quickened once again. His head moved vigorously from side to side and a wide, broad smile beamed across his face.

As he passed us and went on his merry way, we all smiled at each other, brought together for a moment in time, enjoying the happiness of one individual, so deep in his own happy world and so oblivious to ours, that we almost felt a little envious. How carefree! How wonderful!

And it made me wonder, when was the last time that I felt that free and uninhibited? Indeed, when did you last feel and breezy? For me, it was cycling in France. Perhaps time has made me nostalgic, but of late I find myself pondering wistfully of my month away with only myself and Claude my bicycle to consider. The freedom was so utterly welcome, it was bewitching. I had indeed liberated, and seeing the man yesterday, made me yearn for it once again.

Perhaps the man had returned from a tennis or squash session and was high on endorphins; in which case I think I should dig out my own racquet and balls. Or perhaps, just perhaps, he was simply high on life. In which case I shall consider another trip, another adventure to bring back that glorious, glorious feeling of total and blissful freedom.

Katie x

Do you feel free?

Do you yearn to be liberated from your anxieties, marriage, commitments or depression?

30 thoughts on “FREEDOM!”

  1. Reading this has made me smile, I can picture the scene so well. It must be great to feel so free and to have no care for others’ opinions of you. Seek freedom Katie & happy new year xx

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  2. There’s an Asian man who sometimes exercises at the tiny gym I attend semi-annually. He also wears headphones and his exercise routine is some running but a lot of sidestep dancing as he sings along in a foreign language. I always feel happy seeing him.

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    1. Awww I love this man! I love happy people …. not happy as in, someone who is 18 years old and trying to preach to me to find my inner laughter and suggesting that I should live on Kale smoothies … but real people, people happy in their own skin.
      I love the “semi-annually” !!! Now that’s made me laugh!!

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  3. Either out walking (often with camera) or cycling (sometimes with camera) is when I feel most free, because for a brief period I can forget about everything expect the world immediately around me. Photography helps greatly too, in the moment all you know is what’s contained with those four sides of your viewfinder or screen. I think simplicity and being able to live purely in the moment is perhaps the ultimate freedom.

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      2. Unfortunately because my husband’s ex wife reads this, I can’t really go into the detail of some of the most relevant areas … However, despite the excitement involved with our move in the summer, I do look forward to a time in the future when I can get back to my gardening. I have always gotten so much pleasure out of growing my own veg … sound a bit basic, but I love it. I also long to have a dog again … I find the enforced exercise is good for me physically and emotionally, besides I’m needy and love the attention and devotion that a dog gives!

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  4. I so admire that trait in other humans. I once saw a man dressed in head to toe black, a grown up goth, skipping ahead for a good 5 mins before opening the door to a building for a huge crowd of people who were probably judging him the whole time. That was pretty cool.
    The last time I felt that free was standing up inside a moving Land Cruiser in Tanzania, the wind on my skin, surrounded by wild animals….sigh…

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  5. Happy New Year, Katie!

    I think there is a lot to the idea that we should “dance like no one’s watching” etc – to allowing ourselves to feel free to sing out loud, dance around or whatever else. As for freedom, I am approaching one year sober and have to say I have never felt more free than I have this past almost-year. There are no words to accurately describe it! As for being uninhibited, there is much for me to work on being a reserved and introverted little madam (and also Swedish – that doesn’t help!!), but I will make a concerted effort to hold back less when the sense of joy takes me. I doubt you’ll catch me singing out loud in public, but you know… I’ll work on it. 🙂

    See you soon I hope!

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    1. It’s funny isn’t it … as a child I was taught that children should be seen (if necessary) but not heard. As a consequence of this, I was pretty quiet, lacking in substance, opinions and unable to make decisions. I rebelled later on in life and was very much the one wearing the outrageous clothes and dancing on the tables and now, now I’m trying to find some balance. I’m not sure balance really works for me however! I seem to be either up high or feeling quiet and reserved … it just seems to depend entirely on my mood. Maybe I’m a moody cow! 😬😬. 🐄🐄🐄

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  7. Happy New Year Katie,

    I long to feel the freedom you describe and I battle constantly with my urge to escape. Not necessarily suicide, though I’ve been there too.

    Often I have felt like my life existed purely to fit in around the expectations of others. Be that employer, wife or the ‘rules’ of society in general. Changing any of these things seems impossible – leaving escape as the only option. Even if that eventually meant freezing to death anonymously in a shop doorway one winter.

    I wrote a blog post about this in November that I have not published yet because it is just too angry and raw.

    Don’t panic – I’m not in that place just at the moment (though freezing to death in my office seems likely today given the heating is bust and it is only 2 degrees outside).

    You did ask….

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    1. I did ask and I am so honoured that you have been honest to me in your reply. The truth is the hardest thing particularly when it involves our feelings/emotions/mental health. I’m glad that at the time of writing, you’re not feeling desperate and I hope that you think you might be able to let me know if you are feeling at rock bottom. I’ve got very broad shoulders. I do think that sometimes we can feel darn gloomy about how our life is progressing, particularly in the darker, colder months when there simply doesn’t seem much to look forward to and we look back and forward and it’s all pretty grim. And the strength required to heave ourselves out of that negative rumination is almost impossible. Almost, but not quite. I have a tendency to mop my brow and wallow. I wallow like a sodding hippopotamus in the mud and I have absolutely nothing to wallow about. Indeed I am the world’s worst wallower. However, you are not. I know you’re stronger than me. You’re on a bloomin’ pedestal as far as I’m concerned, with your gentle kindness, ridiculous levels of knowledge of horticulture, determination re swimming, beautiful blogging …. need I continue?! So, compared to your post from November, I bet you can see how far you’ve come. I wonder if you know firstly what triggered it and secondly, how you got yourself out of it? That’s what I try to do. I don’t know if that’s any help, but if not, then let me send you a huge, mammoth, enormous hug and a smacker of a kiss. (Ps when I typed in mammoth, autocorrect put in ‘mammogram’! I’m glad I checked!) xx

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      1. You are lovely Katie, thank you😍. Hug and kiss gratefully received and returned.
        I am far better than in November, yes.

        I do know what triggered that drafted post and that situation is still ‘under review’ is all I will say. But I am ok.

        I have written before that there is a bizarre comfort in depression sometimes. And that emerging from it has its own terrors. In my case I have been given a glimpse this year of a happier future that is within my grasp. What that has done is remove the terminal option from the board. Which in a weird way is discomforting because once one has made that attempt it is always there as a fallback option if all else fails. I am not sure it is an option any more and that scares me. It leaves me the choice of putting up with the causes of my unhappiness or making drastic changes which will allow me the life I want but will hurt or inconvenience others. Wallowing is less conflicting than indecision.

        I am probably waffling now. But if one more lifestyle guru (probably in their 20s with no ties) tells me that my life is my own then I will scream😄.

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      2. Ha!! Yes me too! (As regards the 20 year old lifestyle guru) … hit them with a bloomin’ shovel I say!. Sorry for the delay in responding, I’ve got family at home being rather demanding of my attention, although today I just announced that I was going out to do some writing and nobody batted an eyelid. I think I should try it more often.

        I totally get what you say about the comfort in depression and wallowing being less conflicting. I have historically done this … put up with absolute s**t for years in my previous marriage thinking “woe is me” but not actively doing something about it. Turns out he left anyway so I could have saved myself a lot of misery. I just hate confrontation, conflict and having people think badly of me even if they are the cause of my unhappiness, or worse still, pondlife with no morals. I’m always here if you want to talk … am very happy to give you my proper email address should you ever want to offload. I’m glad however that you’re better than you were in November… Katie xx

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      3. Wow. You really do get it.

        I am the same. Anything to avoid conflict or feeling I have disappointed someone. If I try to follow my own needs I end up feeling guilty. Same both at home and at work – where my famed ‘niceness’ and ‘professionalism’ are both largely the result of my fear of being judged negatively or letting the side down. Nothing to do with loving my job – I don’t.

        Thank you Katie 😍. xx

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