Now I fear I must discuss, or at least give my view on the slightly taboo and decidedly undignified subject of knickers.
Of all the advice that I was given prior to my cycling trip, and there was a lot, the common denominator from everyone was to invest in a good sturdy pair of cycling shorts. To this day, I’m not entirely sure if mine were shorts or knickers. Whichever they were, they did the job well. But Mon Dieu, what an unsightly piece of clothing.
Lycra’d within an inch of their life so that they tightly suck in the wobbly bits like a vacuum packed chicken, and let other parts spill out over the top and underneath; the end result is one ends up looking like a rather badly stuffed Christmas stocking; all lumps and bumps but the only surprise with this stocking is whether one is able to take them off without the huge effort making one either puce in the face, or accidentally breaking wind.
As for the padding within, it is simply a large piece of foam which sits like a small yoga roll-mat between ones legs. However, the result? unattractive, however not a bruised botty in sight.
But, there is one piece of advice that I was NOT given, and that was to wear them from day one of said cycling adventure. If it is left until day three, you will discover that you can’t sit down without wincing, howling and yelping. Sadly this is really rather a case of locking the stable door once the horse has well and truly bolted and frankly is in another county. This was sadly what I did.
And, whilst trying to be delicate here, it’s not just ones ‘back bottom’ that becomes bruised, it’s the ‘front bottom’ area and for want of a better word, ones ‘fou fou’. This entire region becomes so delicate, that should you be travelling on a romantic holiday with your darling loved one, you can wave goodbye to any woo hoo for your fou fou for at least a week. Or if you do, he’ll find that he got more than he bargained for, with more wincing, howling, yelping and yowling than a night in a brothel with Madame Whiplash and her whippy-stick.
I think that just about covers it.
Katie xx
Any experience of cycling knickers? No? Lucky you … 😳
No experience of cycling knickers but I did once go on a riding holiday armed with only thongs……that led to blisters! Great post – really made me chuckle :O) x
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Oooh that sounds painful!! You have my empathy 😊
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It was a tad tender ;O) x
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I’m crossing my legs just thinking about it! X
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Last year I discovered a wonderful cycling blog called Lovely Bicycle. I read back into the archives a couple of years, because for me as someone returning to cycling it contained plenty of interesting information – in Velouria’s posts themselves and in the comments. You might find this one of interest –
http://lovelybike.blogspot.com/2011/04/on-female-anatomy-and-bicycle-saddles.html
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Thank you …. I’ve just read it. Really detailed and in fact rather useful. I had no idea it was problematic for so many women! Many thanks indeed; I shall read more of her posts.
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“woo hoo for your fou fou”!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am dying. Too good. xxxxx
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Ha! Thanks xxxx
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One of the worst poetic paragraphs to get through as a woman. 😀
I will forever remember your advice!
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Ha! So pleased I have come up with something useful.
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Maybe open a craft shop with that saying painted on a lovely, knickers-shaped plaque?
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Ooh I think you might have something there …! 😀
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I know when not to comment.
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You’ve just made me laugh!!
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Excellent!
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Blimey. Words fail me for once. Fou Fou?
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I don’t hear you swear very often! Ha! I’m sorry, I just couldn’t resist this one and I knew I’d get a good reaction from you 😂
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Hilarious, I have not ventured into the cycling shorts or cycling for a very long time.
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Ahh, well you are very wise. I think that also the older I get, the worse they will look. 😉
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You never know, cycling tones your limbs you could look really good.
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Cycling pants and or knickers are the work of the devil. I listened to similar advice and purchased a couple of pairs a cycle holiday. 10 miles later I was walking like John Wayne and sounding like a Soprano. Stopped off and bought some shorts and dumped the pants in a bin near Keswick……
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Ha! I’m glad we agree … Have a lovely weekend and hope it’s not too cold! x
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You to. x
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This is a very funny and accurate description of bike shorts. I can’t stand the things but they are absolutely essential (as is Hoo Ha anti-chafing cream!)
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😂😂
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Definitely keeping quiet this time…
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I’m not entirely why I seem to talk about knickers so much!
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Again I shall not dare comment😉😄
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You’re wonderfully diplomatic!
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For a middle aged man the subject of ladies undergarments is a social media minefield!
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Ha!! Yes, I do like to invite discussion into delicate areas! But it’s so much fun!!
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This is hilarious! I’ve had a few run ins with bike apparel. All regrettable. Let’s just say, I’ve since had to purchase a new seat with some better support!
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Ha! Oh, I never really understood how men rode on bicycles without, um, doing themselves a mischief … 🤭😂
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Hi, I have cycled on and off for over 50 years without any access to “proper” cycling shorts. Larger females like myself are not well catered for in the area of sportswear. However, proper padding down below is essential! A numb front bottom with the following strangely unpleasant sensation of pins and needles is to be avoided. As a person with a rather large rear I need a wide and very well padded saddle. To this end I have at least 2 gel saddle covers on top of the base saddle. Voila a comfortable ride….well at least for me.
Really enjoyed your post about this essential aspect of cycling for ladies, thank you!
Fiona
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Ha! Thanks for reading! Oooh isn’t it the most uncomfortable feeling without proper padding! At one point on my trip last summer, I could barely walk! Katie
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Definitely detracts from the enjoyment! Comfy riding for all – think there’s a mantra there.
Fiona
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😂
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I made the mistake of reading this during a meeting at work, and nearly spit out my water and laughed out loud! Not that I plan on taking a multi-day bicycle trip anytime soon, but, if I do, I will definitely remember to get the right shorts. 🙂
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Ha!! Ha!! I can just imagine you being asked to explain yourself!! 😂
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This made me chuckle!
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Ha! I’m glad you liked it!
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