Just How Perfect Are You?

A few weeks ago, society appeared to be divided into two camps. There were those who took the Coronavirus seriously, did as they were told, stayed in and didn’t excessively stock up on lavatory paper. This group consisted of ’the majority of people’.

Then, there was a second group, consisting of a combination of young adults who took to having house, street and beach parties (when the weather was fair) combined with a handful of the more elderly and dare I say it, faintly belligerent generation. (This latter group of septuagenarians and octogenarians claiming that if the war hadn’t got them, then neither would this piddly germ and frankly if they wanted to take their daily fifteen mile drive to collect The Telegraph, then they jolly well would). Within this group of ‘those who would not obey’, both parties blamed each other, not only for the spread of the virus but also the lack of the aforementioned lavatory paper.

However, times have calmed and we’re (generally speaking) all now doing what we’re told and life is tootling merrily along. Parents have lifted all time restrictions whatsoever on their children’s iPads and phones as they realise the hypocrisy as their own weekly ‘screen time’ update is into the double figures per day. People are finding enormous pleasure in the occasional arrival of an online delivery, far too much comfort in the contents of the fridge and most notably, starting to sweat at the rapidly declining contents of the ‘drinks cupboard’.

However whilst as a nation we have now joined together whether that be by clapping and cheering for the NHS, or simply the unity felt by ‘all being in this together’, there appears to be another two groups unfolding and emerging. They are as follows:

1) The ‘Mary Poppins’ variety

This group keenly suggests ways we occupy our newly found time by learning a new skill such as learning Swahili on Duolingo whilst baking gluten-free, fat-free canapés to go with alcohol-free drinks at six o’clock (and not a minute earlier). They are encouraging us to mimic their exercise regimes that would put Joe Wicks to shame and embracing our inner decluttered selves. The photos of their beautifully made-up faces in their perfectly neutral-toned harmonious homes are are seen by some of us mere mortals as ’inspiring’, but by others as ‘sanctimonious little f*****s.’ Whichever way they are viewed however, they remain calm in their down-dog yoga stance, whilst sipping herbal tea and micro-scheduling their day.

On the other hand there is a second group, commonly known as

2) Everyone Else …

This is a large collection of the population who will now happily pay a total stranger any amount of money to take their children and their sodding homeschooling off their hands; those whose wine o’clock which used to begin as soon as the taps were turned on at kids bath-time, now starts at lunchtime; those who regretted from day one having invited granny to stay and those who never again want to hear the patronising nasal tones of their husband’s boss giving his daily virtual meetings whilst having to tiptoe around the house with a screaming toddler, an hormonal teenager with attitude and a dog with diarrhoea who has just eaten the left leg of the sofa. Was someone having a laugh when they allowed hormonal teenagers into the same house as a mother mid peri-menopause? And as for the husband, well as soon as the sodding lawyer answers his sodding phone, the Decree Nisi will be thrust down somebody’s sodding throat …

But all is not lost. For one day, this too shall pass and we’ll emerge from our homes, irrespective of whichever group we had momentarily belonged to. And, as we step out, blinking in the sunlight of our newly found freedom, we can be assured of unity once again, unity in our extraordinary memories of a strange, strange time.

Kx

79 thoughts on “Just How Perfect Are You?”

      1. I will say, you may have to take up the bathtub for a little while and make sure you have a really sharpe blade or a chainsaw maybe. Oh and make sure you put plastic down

        oh and loud music to drown out the sound of the chainsaw.

        I must say I only have these thoughts at around 3am when my partner is snoring

        Liked by 2 people

  1. How I love this inspirational post and you made me laugh so much that hubbie came to see what had triggered my giggling fit! You may have inspired me with a future blog post of my own or maybe I could reblog yours if you didn’t mind?! No problem if you’d prefer me not to do so. Where I am, in a Surrey village, I have noticed that the clapping for the NHS is beginning to get somewhat competitive. The first week, I was really moved and found that I had unexpected tears running down my face – I’m a hard, old bag; on the surface anyway! However, as the weeks have gone on, I have the nagging feeling that it’s less about the NHS and more about who can put on the biggest show. Perhaps I’m too cynical but I imagine that a large proportion of the neighbourhood are Tories… Apologies for getting political. Love some of the comments!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I’d love it if you reblogged! Thank you! That’s so funny about the competitive clapping … we did see pictures of clapping (with the police) on Westminster Bridge and there were masses upon masses of people there all standing so close to each other … this did make us giggle and scratch our heads a bit! The clapping here is most nights at 7pm and is now less about clapping and more about pot and pan banging! The weird thing is that because so few people have balconies, you can’t actually see where the noise is coming from … apart from a few random wooden spoons and arms hanging out of windows (none of which open more than 6 inches!). It’s all quite peculiar! I hope you’re managing to stay sane and safe in all of this? Best wishes, Katie x

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      1. Thanks! No I’m still here in New York … although I’ve just spoken to my in-laws who are telling me how sunny and warm it is in the U.K.! I’m extremely jealous and the thought of being able to be in a garden is making me decidedly green with envy! How are you and the family getting on? All remaining safe and well?

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  2. oh Katie, I fear you’re in category too. I’d like to believe your Mary Poppins but… and I’m praying for a missed Oxford comma at the end ‘For one day this to shall pass…’ is far more terrifying than ‘For, one day, this to shall pass..’ And perhaps if you have the bath with the wine and lock the family out your might glean a touch of sanity… mind you, bath times have lost much since taps lost those four nodes on the top… easy then to use the toes to pump in more hot water when it was getting a bit chilly without having to surface … sorry I’m drifting again. This piece is splendid and it does sound likely you will have to form a new religion and sacrifice someone to your chosen god/deity/supreme being. I wish you luck in your lock down and hope you emerge married, still a nuclear family and without a lunchtime Chablis habit, even if a bit wrinkly from over zealous bathing

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    1. Ha! Oh I love how you make me laugh! I used to like the bath taps with the little nobble things and how we’d use our big toe to try to push one of them round to add more hot water, because even though we’d likely dislocate said toe as the taps were invariably stiff, anything was better than having to sit up to turn them and then get all cold again. Oh yes, I remember! Many thanks for your lovely chatter, you always make me smile. 😊 Katie

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  3. I’m really enjoying the time *hiding
    Happy to start running, hopefully will keep it up. Would love to study but can’t see getting past laziness for that though you never know.
    Love, light, and glitter

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  4. OMG, too funny! I’m a little jealous of the Mary Poppins types. I’ve looked like a complete slob for the past 5ish weeks—same old clothes day after day, forgetting to brush my hair (even my teeth sometimes). That reminds me, I think it’s time for a shower. Thanks for the laugh.

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  5. Great fun! It’s amazing what six weeks in quarantine can do. Some of us began well-coiffed and neatly made up and have descended to Godzilla land with nary a backward glance.

    I’ve always regarded those zombie flicks as puerile nonsense. Now I could play a featured role with no rehearsals needed.

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    1. Ha!! 😂. Yup, I’m with you and somewhat unrecognisable to myself … put it this way, my husband has ordered some beard trimmers (he’s now given up on shaving too) and I’m wondering if I could use them on my legs to keep things under control …

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  6. You always make me laugh Katie, bless you!
    I am definitely not in the well-coiffed group and was considering dyeing my beard purple as nobody is gonna see it for weeks. Then, just in time to prevent me, I was offered a job interview on Skype!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Ha!! I’m so glad you didn’t, otherwise you might have had to shave it all off! I hope you’re keeping well? We’ve got a drizzly, grizzly day of cloud and rain today but it’s ok because I’ve discovered the delights of YouTube and am now happily spending hours (literally) watching a Bear Grylls type of man who has built from scratch a wooden hut and everything in it somewhere in the middle of the wilderness. Fantastic and I’m hooked! This is what quarantine does to me! Hope you’re not being reduced to such levels and sending you much love.

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      1. Tucker Budzyn the Golden Retriever?! Oh my goodness, I shall have to look! You know we had a Golden Retriever for over ten years. She died two years ago and I still miss her desperately. They are the absolute best dogs in the world. ❤️❤️. But yes, I think you’re right … I am doomed now that I’ve discovered YouTube! Ha! It’s just so addictive! Glad all is ok 😍

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      2. Oh no. I feel guilty now – you might get addicted to Tucker’s channel and never emerge! For a couple of years there was a young Golden Retriever at my wife’s workplace and we both adored that dog, nuts as she was. She got rehomed after starting to wander off site and on to the roads.

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  7. Reblogged this on Fancying France and commented:
    I don’t often reblog posts but I love this blog! Most of the blogs I follow are linked to France or written by women of a similar age. This blog is written so beautifully and with such humour and this post is definitely worth a read!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much! And yes, can you imagine how we’ll all be when we escape! Ahhh! The thought of meeting up with friends for coffee or dinner out … what a treat that will be! I do wonder how we’ll look back on it all … perhaps some good will come from it 🧐

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    1. Ha! Well I gave my little ‘demon of depression and anxiety’ a name, Betty. Somehow giving it a proper name made it controllable … something that I could manage and metaphorically lock in the shed at the bottom of the garden, never to be seen again. Then I decided that she should just be killed for good instead! And now, although my posts rarely have much to do about depression and anxiety, I still rather like the name!

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  8. Hehe! This is brilliant, Katie! 😄 The first days into the crisis I belonged to the enthusiasts who thought they’d get done everything they dreamed of… Now I feel ridiculously proud if I get one or two things off my list! 😂 Today it should have been doing some sports (check) and drawing (ugh – don’t think so after two enormous cookies that should me have powered up with their sugar but only made me want to take a nap!😂). I sometimes think we should be like animals in the wild – they would never waste energy by running around doing errands after a three-course meal. 😄

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    1. Ha!! This is so true!! I’ve been in a bit of a cooking frenzy of late, learning how to make a soufflé and also simple things like scones, but as you say, then I just want to take a nap!! I’m beginning to think that those countries that have a siesta after lunch have actually got it right. That sort of lifestyle would really suit me well 😂. Thanks so much for reading and it’s lovely to hear I’m not alone with the cookie and sugar scenario!

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  9. Brilliant writing. I’m not sure which category I fit into. As a pensioner my children are grown up so I don’t have kids to sell. I’m not working at home and don’t have to worry about my home being ‘House Beautiful’ worthy for conference calls , and I’m definitely not in the belligerent category. I have had a couple of trips to the a supermarket, social distancing of course, apart from that I walk the dogs (well one dog at the moment, older dog has a pawly (sorry couldn’t resist that) leg) every morning , read, work on various hobbies and garden – its never looked so neat and tidy! Oh and I baked a cake, well me and Betty Crocker 🙂

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    1. It sounds like we do the same sorts of things … hope the dog with the pawly (!) leg recovers soon. Dogs just make the world sparkle a little bit more. I miss our old golden retriever still after almost three years … one day, when we’re out of Manhattan and back in Blighty I shall have another, and probably more! Enjoy the garden, I keep seeing everyone having the most glorious weather back in the U.K. and am v. jealous! It’s been rather dreary here of late! Happy cake eating and thanks so much for reading. Katie

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  10. “those who regretted from day one having invited granny to stay and those who never again want to hear the patronising nasal tones of their husband’s boss giving his daily virtual meetings whilst having to tiptoe around the house with a screaming toddler”

    Hahahaha!! God, your posts are hilarious and as far as I can see, accurate. A very British sense of humour indeed, but you’ve got it nailed down! Good to see 😄.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. This was a laugh riot to read. Glad to see some humor during this difficult time of everyone trying not to lose their minds while quarantined inside their homes. This situation is not normal, for sure. It’s more stress spending more hours of the day being around people we otherwise only see for a limited time during the day.

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      1. I am getting on okay. Just okay because a part of me doesn’t want to get too comfortable with how things are now and I desperately want this to be over. Bring back the grumpiness and noise of NYC! Ha. It’s just bizarre to think there would be a day when the whole world had to start avoiding everyone. Sounds like science fiction, except it really happened!

        Liked by 1 person

  12. That was a really great read. I was definitely not in the loo roll stocking camp and was really proud when my daughter said she had been in a shop and there were two packs of loo roll left, but she chose to buy just one so someone else could wipe their butt! She must have had at least one good parent.

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