My lists. Writing it down disassociates it from me. Makes it easier. Simplifies things. It’s no longer racing through my mind. One less thing for Betty the Demon Depressive to put into her food processor of my mind and whisk furiously for a few hours.
Try it! Write it down. Write down everything. Worries, anxieties, symptoms, everything. Get a piece of paper. Get a ream of paper. You may well be writing for a while, but it helps.
My mantra …. “This is an illness. I want to get well, so I am going to get well, but it’s up to me to do it.”
In terms of symptoms, this is my list of what I had to cope with and I daresay you could probably tick some and add a few more ….
- Exhaustion ….Betty cackling and chatting in your ears 24/7 is somewhat tiring. Needing more sleep from roughly an hour after I woke up.
- Lethargy …. A simple task was a mountain. Anything from picking up the shopping to having to clear up the dishes.
- Procrastination …. Delay, delay, delay. Anything that I considered tricky to do, I would ‘leave til later’. Usually because either I was too tired to deal with it, or it involved making a decision, or it meant phoning/emailing/basically being in touch with the world (and of course Betty told me that the world is a nasty place – and I believed her).
- Anxiety and fear – Fear of the present (auto-correction just put in ‘President’ – this amuses me!) Fear of the future. Fear of people. Anxiety relating to everything.
- Anger …. Anger at myself. Anger at people. Anger at the world.
- An aversion to doing anything new …. Or anything that involved physically moving from bed.
As Looney Tunes used to say in the cartoons, ‘That’s all Folks!’
Now it’s time to get better!
That’s in essence what happened to me. I made the decision to get better by using every available resource available to me. So I wrote List 2, the solution:
- Exercise – I shall find something, anything that involves working up a sweat.
- Diet – Remember to eat …. the good stuff. Breakfast is a must. Am starting to go off this whole idea ….
- Alcohol – Either stop or moderation at the very least. This could be problematic.
- Therapy/Counselling – I’m loathe to admit it, but I’m rather middle class, so this doesn’t sit very well with me, but hey ho! Give it a go! Crikey, I’ll be doing yoga next!!
- Yoga and/or Pilates and/or Meditation – Really?? Dear God, I really can’t be doing with whale music and finding my inner wisdom. Keep an open mind.
- Medication – First port of call
- Sun – Somewhat tricky in Glasgow but possibly a sun ‘light’ if all else fails.
- Find a Positive Indoor Activity – Baking, cleaning anything that I can do without leaving the house for very dark days when going out is simply not possible but will ensure there’s physical activity rather than hiding behind the sofa with a glass of wine and a box of tissues …
- Consistent routine of all of the above – Structure
These were my two lists. This was my starting point. I now had plan which in itself was the most wonderful relief. I really was going to get better.
☀️ K x ☀️