49. Getting Back on The Straight And Narrow!

 

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So after a rather stressful holiday and having discovered that the reason for the anxiety was in actual fact my fault, I am now on a mission to put everything right again. Back in order. Get my life nice and straight again, just like the boxes of cereal on the larder shelves. Yes, nice and neat and tidy.

Whilst being away, I completely lost my routine and structure. I lost my ‘me-time’, my mindfulness time, my time to just treat myself a teensy bit like Dresden china. And as a consequence, everything went slightly to pot. (Not the drug I hasten to add, more sort of ‘hellishly wrong’ or ‘down the drain’). I foolishly thought that as I had been so much better, that I could therefore be a little more spontaneous, let loose, …. it was a holiday for heavens sake. Oh silly little me! … that was not spontaneity, nooooo! That was sheer recklessness.

So here I am again, not exactly back at square one, but perhaps a few rungs lower down the ladder however, considerably wiser.

I arrived back from holiday utterly exhausted. Exhausted by the anxiety. I had no pattern or structure, I was now having to fit in with everyone else’s routine, and somehow that didn’t include half an hour fiddling around upstairs getting sorted out in the morning and using mindfulness over every little chore, and pampering myself. Oh no, I was being rushed from pillar to post with urgency. Stress then led to anxiety. And I’d forgotten how darn tiring it is.

The only other times I’ve felt such exhaustion was when I was pregnant. Ahhh yes, pregnancy, that blissful time when complete strangers offer you a seat on a bus or the tube. That glowing, healthy skin and radiance …. for part of the time, yes. For the rest, completely knackering. Particularly when you already have one child. I do recall a lot of bribery … “if you could just watch Tellytubbies once more, yes, just sit on the floor so Mummy can just lie sofa for just a teensy bit longer, of course you can have some more chocolate” … oh I remember it well.

So I’m back home, rekindling my routine and structure, having spent the best part of four days sleeping. Before the Colonel actually thinks he’s married a zombie, I’m back on day one of looking after myself again. And, wow I’ve slipped back into it so easily. A doddle. Easy peasy. I guess once it’s set up, it’s remarkably easy to return to.

Same pattern in the morning (apart from blog writing which I’ve left til now) – Friday is laundry day, therefore sheets etc washed … ✅

Friday is also cleaning day, therefore hoovering, polishing, bathroom etc … ✅

Doctors appointment to go over medication… ✅

Make lunch for the Colonel who is working from home due to snow – ✅ (Actually excelled myself here with latticed mini quiches so now feeling like domestic goddess).

Tennis session …. ✅ tick, bloomin’ tick. ✅ ✅ ✅

And I feel great! I’ve done my jobs, I’ve checked in with the doc, I’ve eaten properly and had fresh air (20 min walk to and from doc and 20 min walk to and from tennis as car completely snowed in), plus exercise (all that walking, plus over an hours’ tennis), plus getting out of the house and socialising (long coffee and natter session after tennis).

The Colonel is happy as I’ve left him to work in peace (yesterday he actually asked me to leave the room because apparently me fiddling with his hair was distracting him … humph! I thought ‘working from home due to being snowed in’ was another way of ‘pulling a sickie’ … apparently not. Golly … He really is dedicated.)

So, all is well with the world. He’s happy, I’m happy and normality is bliss.

Katie x

8. Getting Some Order!

A new 40 something friend of mine recently confessed that many years ago she had suffered from post natal depression. Her own mother (who is a no-nonsense, tough old bird and one of the kindest and wisest women I know) gave her daughter some very simple advice. She told her that if she could do nothing else that day, then she should simply clean a cupboard.

And whilst this is a very simplistic suggestion, she nailed it. For that is what her daughter then did. She could do very little, but she did clean cupboards. And it was the start of her recovery.

That simply, easy task which involved nobody else, could be done in her own time, in her own space and gave her the tiniest lift of achievement and satisfaction. Her body was active, she listened to the radio, her mind was calm.

Every day was a battle from the off, but that task when completed meant that she had beaten her own “Betty the Demon Depressive” just for that day. She had won a round with Mike Tyson. And that is what it’s about, it’s about fighting Betty every, single day and not giving in to her, for that simply ‘feeds the beast’ and makes Betty stronger.

So, if all else fails …. turn on the radio, empty a kitchen cupboard and get cleaning! It’s therapy!

Happy cleaning!

Kx