Knickers Again (But of the Cycling Variety …)

white clothes line trousers past
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Now I fear I must discuss, or at least give my view on the slightly taboo and decidedly undignified subject of knickers.

Of all the advice that I was given prior to my cycling trip, and there was a lot, the common denominator from everyone was to invest in a good sturdy pair of cycling shorts.  To this day, I’m not entirely sure if mine were shorts or knickers. Whichever they were, they did the job well.  But Mon Dieu, what an unsightly piece of clothing.

Lycra’d within an inch of their life so that they tightly suck in the wobbly bits like a vacuum packed chicken, and let other parts spill out over the top and underneath; the end result is one ends up looking like a rather badly stuffed Christmas stocking; all lumps and bumps but the only surprise with this stocking is whether one is able to take them off without the huge effort making one either puce in the face, or accidentally breaking wind.

As for the padding within, it is simply a large piece of foam which sits like a small yoga roll-mat between ones legs.  However, the result? unattractive, however not a bruised botty in sight.

But, there is one piece of advice that I was NOT given, and that was to wear them from day one of said cycling adventure. If it is left until day three, you will discover that you can’t sit down without wincing, howling and yelping. Sadly this is really rather a case of locking the stable door once the horse has well and truly bolted and frankly is in another county. This was sadly what I did.

And, whilst trying to be delicate here, it’s not just ones ‘back bottom’ that becomes bruised, it’s the ‘front bottom’ area and for want of a better word, ones ‘fou fou’. This entire region becomes so delicate, that should you be travelling on a romantic holiday with your darling loved one, you can wave goodbye to any woo hoo for your fou fou for at least a week. Or if you do, he’ll find that he got more than he bargained for, with more wincing, howling, yelping and yowling than a night in a brothel with Madame Whiplash and her whippy-stick.

I think that just about covers it.

Katie xx

Any experience of cycling knickers? No? Lucky you … 😳

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41 thoughts on “Knickers Again (But of the Cycling Variety …)”

  1. Cycling pants and or knickers are the work of the devil. I listened to similar advice and purchased a couple of pairs a cycle holiday. 10 miles later I was walking like John Wayne and sounding like a Soprano. Stopped off and bought some shorts and dumped the pants in a bin near Keswick……

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hi, I have cycled on and off for over 50 years without any access to “proper” cycling shorts. Larger females like myself are not well catered for in the area of sportswear. However, proper padding down below is essential! A numb front bottom with the following strangely unpleasant sensation of pins and needles is to be avoided. As a person with a rather large rear I need a wide and very well padded saddle. To this end I have at least 2 gel saddle covers on top of the base saddle. Voila a comfortable ride….well at least for me.
    Really enjoyed your post about this essential aspect of cycling for ladies, thank you!
    Fiona

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I made the mistake of reading this during a meeting at work, and nearly spit out my water and laughed out loud! Not that I plan on taking a multi-day bicycle trip anytime soon, but, if I do, I will definitely remember to get the right shorts. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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